How to Relieve your Anxiety?!
I remember when I was first pregnant with my first daughter and I was so afraid from the labor, what if something will get wrong? What if it will hurt terribly? What if….? What if…..?
Have you ever been so afraid that you decided not to go through with it? You avoiding it or keep procrastinating it?
How many people never want to get married, never want to be pregnant, never want something out of fear? Fear that they will have to take care of someone else, fear that their marriage will take away freedom of their life.
I was freaking out when I had little babies who were so dependent on me.
I was afraid to get married. What if we won’t have enough money? The what if…. Again.
Fear or anxiety is based most of the time on subjective assumptions. Assuming the worst, assuming what if we lose control, what if we can’t handle it, what if we don’t deserve it? What if we aren’t worthy? What if no one will support us? What if we will be/are alone? What if people won’t approve of me? What if people judge me? What if …. What if… again and again, on and on.
It is this self-devastating pattern of asking ourselves the wrong questions, telling ourselves the wrong things.
It is from the time we were children and we got to these entire conclusions, hearing our neighbors complaining about how painful or horrified her labor experience was, or hearing our parents fighting or complaining about marriage, or having a teacher telling us how bad we did on the test and more and more.
So how do we deal with our cruel and mean internal monstrous ….?
How about asking the right questions? How about confronting our fears? How about checking the facts and the odds. Or even better, what if we are prepared for the worst but hope for the best? The last will help the control freaks….
If the worst happened then what? If we lose our thoughts during presentation, then what? If it hurts then what? If it hurts at the dentist, I will pick up my hand so they know it hurts me, if ….then…!
So when I did bio-feedback to learn to control my fears, I was asked if G-d forbid things go wrong, then what?
I was shocked and I knew I would feel worse if I ever feared it, and I would blame myself, and I would be just as sad as if I’ve never thought about it. So why bother being worried?!
Instead of saying: “What if?” Say: “If….then what?”